How come when some of us ladies have dated men, been hurt, trampled over, and deceived, we take it out on the new men in our lives??? We apply the hurt that was once given to us by past lovers to new lovers, in hope that it will be a veil of protection but it only damages the relationship before its given a chance to develop.
Yes, sometimes being overly watchful is good because we get to weed out the men with no good intentions but once a good guy comes along we make him pay the debt of those who came before. Thus, all women become the same in their mind: We are crazy, too clingy, 'clocking' his every move, worried too much. And for what? The answer is past heart break and current insecurities.
This particular post mainly pertains to black relationships because its the only relationship I can speak on with experience.
I guess once a woman is so use to loosing, its hard to know when we have won.
The men who love to play the game, pretend to be good men. You know, saying the right things, spending time,
making you feel like a queen. And because this man is getting closer and closer to winning your heart and whatever else you have to offer, we forget to use our brain, ignoring all the red flags that have been in play since day one. For instance: Only hanging around your way, really good female friends he can't explain, making you feel 'clingy' because you called twice in one day to check on him.
Then the truth comes to light, Shyt hits the fan, another heart break again....
Next guy comes along (a good one), he get penalized for your damages when all he wants to do is show you what you deserve and what he is ready to give. Once you finally realize you have won, its too late and he had moved on, labeling you as bitter!
Is that what we really want our men to think??? Do we want to really be alone and miserable?? No...Do a few things differently...
1. Before you get caught up, take the compliments for face value...don't read into it.
2. Don't dis abandon any other male friends for one in the beginning: All your energy will be put into him allowing you to fall to soon.
3. Make time for you.
4. Let him know what kind of women you are and what you expect without being over baring and 'independent'. Because if you are doing the most, you will be.
5. Don't talk to a man strictly for what he has...get to know him.
6.Stop searching...let love come to you.
7.Stop penalizing every man for the last man.
8.Love yourself. Set yourself rules.
9.Trust your gut, its probably right.
10.Everyday try more and more to let go of the hurt...Your only hurting yourself.
11. Realize when you have won before its too late.
Fortunately, I found a great guy, I love him...I tried to penalize him and look for the bad in him. But their isn't. I accept that I deserve to be happy and I deseve good things. So instead of penalizing, I just let the situation play out. I watch him move be for I make mine and act accordingly...
